The practice of being okay

Just help me Lord, to see. There are moments I have deep light and hope, feel in contact with my dreams, so hopeful of what you can make this and what you’ve already done. And other times I so deeply doubt what it could be. Because words on a page are a lot easier than knitty gritty real life. And when it feels like everyone’s heads are stuck in books then there is no way you can get around the ivory towers in people and in yourself. Except gratitude. And the fact that the Creator of the universe happened to … Continue reading The practice of being okay

Lightning & Thunder

Yesterday a moment happened where I was in the place of mothers everywhere—I saw a lightning strike and knew the effects of what was coming. The little girl in my care, although I told her with words, could not be prepared for the sound of thunder, the fight or flight response kicking in her small body and everything is more vulnerable when you are that small. And so we run inside, and won’t be quite the same again. The very thing that may be her gift—sound and music—is also a fear and nature certainly is not something in our control. … Continue reading Lightning & Thunder

Longings, dark-colored wood, and my violin

  The notes fall softly on my young heart, as that year I had finally learned a bit more of what music was. The feeling is what I would hope music does for everyone at least once in their lives. I heard a sweeter song, that fit into the longing of my heart. A song above time. I dreamed of the orchestra, to play with the others, the dark wood symbolized a dream and hope. I dreamed as I stopped eating at 11. As the false guilt and angry words hurt a heart that also ached to still to care … Continue reading Longings, dark-colored wood, and my violin

So you have graduated

So you’ve graduated. You’ve made it through. And now things will become wilder and deeper because now you are you. What this means is that you will need to lean on others in unique ways. You will have less structure and less have-to’s than you think. Remember. Don’t forget. But don’t let yourself look back in regret. The things everyone told you, they’re not fully true. You will probably have good bosses and bad bosses—people who tell you what they think is right but they’re not always right. In fact they’re on quite the journey too. But the good ones … Continue reading So you have graduated

Art

I think that letting yourself feel is an art. An art that keeps you–in the end–from falling apart. It’s kind of like a fourth dimension. Apart from your phone. Not enough people really understand it. Many of us spend a lot of time afraid of it, living always trying to keep up, be perfect. We touch it though, when we’re unemployed, unaware. When tragedy occurs, when we face our problems, our mental health. When we see that person we love. When we pray, truly pray. To some people it only feels like raindrops, others surf in its waters. In it, … Continue reading Art

Trader Joe’s & Learning from Wildflowers

I hesitate to go up to the chatty cashier at Trader Joe’s, I recognize him and can hear him in the aisle full of frozen meals. But as I am in the other line I know how silly it is, because the woman at his register is paying for her order, and I walk over and set the red basket down for him to ring up the items just as he is telling her to have a good day. It’s been a day where interacting with people is the last thing I want. The feelings churning inside me are strong … Continue reading Trader Joe’s & Learning from Wildflowers

Endings becoming beginnings

He will. Today I woke up, sunlight still in my eyes despite no show curtains. My feet are antsy, itching to go. I am led, not sure where I need to go, but I put my earbuds in and just walk. Questions are in my head—what should I choose? What is this time? I am at a dead end, what could come next? And my legs bring me, and take me to a familiar lake, some cardboard boats, and a woman who sits on a bench with her husband. Taking her broken spoken, her goofy heart as she manages her … Continue reading Endings becoming beginnings

Prodigal Heart

  What I am discovering, Is exactly what the prodigal did— Taking his father’s inheritance in pursuit of the life and the will he wanted Only finding that there is no deeper love that he can discover Than the very one whose inheritance he squandered. When we learn to live beloved, To trust the love that casts out all fear, We learn not only how great our God is; But that we, ourselves, in all our unique intricacies, are a gift. A gift of creation, made new. We find a new identity, And a new hope. It is tempting to … Continue reading Prodigal Heart

17

I tried to write out 2017 in 17 words. And this is my best shot: A trip to the depths of Tennessee, a summer class deep within the north woods, a sickness–my sister’s lost locks, little did I know we would not go back to school in the fall. That’s not 17 words. And there’s certainly more I could say. Why is it that so often I think I have nothing to write about? It’s certainly not true. There is so much life, and story within the life, going on around me. And in me. We need to share our stories. … Continue reading 17